After a few months he came around.
I'm scared and happy. We'll see what happens.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The End
A year later it has come to the end. The laughter, the drinking, the punk rock-has once again reached it's climax.
He says, "I just don't have that feeling for you"
and I should have said "I should have known the minute you didn't offer to let me move in with you you were a prick"
Drink. Smile. Repeat.
I know from experience, it gets easier.
Goodbye, Mike! It was a fucking blast. Thank you for showing me that I could love again, that I really truly deserve nothing but the best.
He says, "I just don't have that feeling for you"
and I should have said "I should have known the minute you didn't offer to let me move in with you you were a prick"
Drink. Smile. Repeat.
I know from experience, it gets easier.
Goodbye, Mike! It was a fucking blast. Thank you for showing me that I could love again, that I really truly deserve nothing but the best.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
And the months leak by....
It's funny when I start these online journals with the best of intentions and before I know it, it's been eight months and I haven't written a word.
I guess, I spend too much time drinking and recovering from drinking to be productive most days. But, weren't some of the greatest writers in history also into the sauce? I suppose it's all about finding that delicate balance between a great mind and an lush.
School is winding down. This time it's not only for the semester, of the summer, but for good. I'm (finally) graduating! What I am going to do with myself after that point I'm not too sure...I suppose that's the trouble of an English degree. It's one big no what? from here on in. My parents told me politely today that I simply "do not have a year to find a real job". Um. Fuck.
The bottom line is however, I will have a degree. It may have taken six years and many a obstacles to obtain it. Yet, on May 30th I will be walking in the graduation ceremonies at Umass Boston to get my degree. Rock. On.
I plowed through a few quick reads last week including: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, Into Thin Air and Bloodsucking Fiends. I must say, I was a little disappointed by Bloodsucking Fiends. I think Mike put it best when he said, "it's like his [Christopher Moore's] other book, but slower". The other book that he is referring to- You Suck features all the same characters in the same happenings-yet this book is slightly different. It goes into a little bit more background and character development than You Suck does, but seems to loose something. I would say that of the three books by Christopher Moore I have read thus far (You Suck, Dirty Jobs and Bloodsucking Fiends) this is my least favorite. It has far less sarcastic wit than the other two and seem far less developed (though ironically the characters are in fact explored more) It wasn't a horrible book, but I would recommend his other works before this one. Into Thin Air was so powerful that it kept me awake one night with nightmares of being trapped on Mt. Everest. Written by John Krakauer gives the account of chillings events that took place on Mt. Everest during 1996. Unlike Into the Wild, also by Krakuer, these events were actually experienced by the author which adds a very powerful element to the novel. I do understand where his critics are coming from with their problems in regards to who he encountered on the mountain and the timeline of such events, but as he writes, one must consider how emotionally and physically exhausted he and his fellow climbers were during these events. Never having suffered from any type of oxygen deprivation, I have absolutely no idea what effects this would have on the body and the mind. I do not think that Krakuer wrote this novel to capitalize on the deaths of others, but rather was simply dealing with demons that he needed to put to rest. Everyone moves on in their own way and writing this book was a way for him to silence his mind. The last novel I read this week, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nigh time (or is it at midnight? Something dealing with a dog at night, some time at night lol) was a very light read. Though the subject matters dealt with (autism, child neglect, cheating spouses....) could have been very heavy and depressing, the book was neither of these things. It was a very easy read and I completed the book in a little over a day. I'm not sure that I agree with all the critical acclaim that book has received (winner of the Whitebread Book of the Year in 2003) I do think it's worth a read.
And, since I've spent all this time reading books for self indulgence, I have done almost nothing in regards to school work. Something new and different.
I would just like to close by saying that my thoughts go out to the Lubin family during this difficult time.
I guess, I spend too much time drinking and recovering from drinking to be productive most days. But, weren't some of the greatest writers in history also into the sauce? I suppose it's all about finding that delicate balance between a great mind and an lush.
School is winding down. This time it's not only for the semester, of the summer, but for good. I'm (finally) graduating! What I am going to do with myself after that point I'm not too sure...I suppose that's the trouble of an English degree. It's one big no what? from here on in. My parents told me politely today that I simply "do not have a year to find a real job". Um. Fuck.
The bottom line is however, I will have a degree. It may have taken six years and many a obstacles to obtain it. Yet, on May 30th I will be walking in the graduation ceremonies at Umass Boston to get my degree. Rock. On.
I plowed through a few quick reads last week including: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, Into Thin Air and Bloodsucking Fiends. I must say, I was a little disappointed by Bloodsucking Fiends. I think Mike put it best when he said, "it's like his [Christopher Moore's] other book, but slower". The other book that he is referring to- You Suck features all the same characters in the same happenings-yet this book is slightly different. It goes into a little bit more background and character development than You Suck does, but seems to loose something. I would say that of the three books by Christopher Moore I have read thus far (You Suck, Dirty Jobs and Bloodsucking Fiends) this is my least favorite. It has far less sarcastic wit than the other two and seem far less developed (though ironically the characters are in fact explored more) It wasn't a horrible book, but I would recommend his other works before this one. Into Thin Air was so powerful that it kept me awake one night with nightmares of being trapped on Mt. Everest. Written by John Krakauer gives the account of chillings events that took place on Mt. Everest during 1996. Unlike Into the Wild, also by Krakuer, these events were actually experienced by the author which adds a very powerful element to the novel. I do understand where his critics are coming from with their problems in regards to who he encountered on the mountain and the timeline of such events, but as he writes, one must consider how emotionally and physically exhausted he and his fellow climbers were during these events. Never having suffered from any type of oxygen deprivation, I have absolutely no idea what effects this would have on the body and the mind. I do not think that Krakuer wrote this novel to capitalize on the deaths of others, but rather was simply dealing with demons that he needed to put to rest. Everyone moves on in their own way and writing this book was a way for him to silence his mind. The last novel I read this week, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nigh time (or is it at midnight? Something dealing with a dog at night, some time at night lol) was a very light read. Though the subject matters dealt with (autism, child neglect, cheating spouses....) could have been very heavy and depressing, the book was neither of these things. It was a very easy read and I completed the book in a little over a day. I'm not sure that I agree with all the critical acclaim that book has received (winner of the Whitebread Book of the Year in 2003) I do think it's worth a read.
And, since I've spent all this time reading books for self indulgence, I have done almost nothing in regards to school work. Something new and different.
I would just like to close by saying that my thoughts go out to the Lubin family during this difficult time.
Monday, October 8, 2007
here I go again
I'm not really sure why I'm making another attempt at an online blog... but it just seems like the thing to do. Whenever I get done reading "She Walks Around With It" (which, if you haven't read- you should read it http://shewalks.blogspot.com/) I feel the need to go back to writing. It's been such a ridiculously long time since I've written anything besides a paper for school. I remember a time when I was churning out poem after poem, and they were all really good and meaningful and .... it just hasn't been like that in a really long time. I've had so much happen in my life in the past year that I should be writing about, but I'm just not.
Lately though, I've found myself once again tossing around lines and ideas and writing on scrap pieces of paper that I end up loosing parts of what could someday turn into, something. So, that's what brings my here. The undying urge to be a writer, even if only on the world wide web.
********************
I'm living in Denville with three strange boys. Well, soon to be two. But, strangers none the less. Almost a year ago to date, I was packing my things up and leaving Boston forever. I wish I could say I never looked back. But I did, and I do. Some days I'll see people who remind me of Dean walking through the aisles of Target and I'll get goosebumps on my arms because I think that maybe, finally, he's coming through for me and ready to become friends.
Not getting a response to the email I sent him two weeks ago really crushed my spirit. Is it related to why I've been sleeping so much lately? Maybe...I'd like to think that it's not, that I'm over that phase in this long recovery, but I honestly don't know. Seven years is just such a long time to have someone completely turn their back on you. I don't even know who he is anymore and there are no words to describe how sad that really is.
*******************
I, for the first time in as long as I can remember had the whole weekend off. And, instead of getting ahead of the mountain of homework I have to do, I farted around the house for two days. Saturday I broke down and $40 worth of cleaning supplies, 1/2 a bottle of wine and a few hours later my house was amazingly clean. Of course none of the boys offered to help clean, but what else did I expect? I then met up with Allie for a few (too many) drinks at the Fireside and ended up meeting some awesome single ladies who I spent a few hours bashing on men with. What can I say, sometimes you have to just let it all out. Sunday I slept late, watched part of a Law and Order marathon (nerd) and then Mike came over for some pre Simpsons hang out.
Oh. Mike.
I don't even know what to say about him- other than he makes me smile. That's about all I can handle right now.
I should be writing a Women's World paper......so off I go.
Lately though, I've found myself once again tossing around lines and ideas and writing on scrap pieces of paper that I end up loosing parts of what could someday turn into, something. So, that's what brings my here. The undying urge to be a writer, even if only on the world wide web.
********************
I'm living in Denville with three strange boys. Well, soon to be two. But, strangers none the less. Almost a year ago to date, I was packing my things up and leaving Boston forever. I wish I could say I never looked back. But I did, and I do. Some days I'll see people who remind me of Dean walking through the aisles of Target and I'll get goosebumps on my arms because I think that maybe, finally, he's coming through for me and ready to become friends.
Not getting a response to the email I sent him two weeks ago really crushed my spirit. Is it related to why I've been sleeping so much lately? Maybe...I'd like to think that it's not, that I'm over that phase in this long recovery, but I honestly don't know. Seven years is just such a long time to have someone completely turn their back on you. I don't even know who he is anymore and there are no words to describe how sad that really is.
*******************
I, for the first time in as long as I can remember had the whole weekend off. And, instead of getting ahead of the mountain of homework I have to do, I farted around the house for two days. Saturday I broke down and $40 worth of cleaning supplies, 1/2 a bottle of wine and a few hours later my house was amazingly clean. Of course none of the boys offered to help clean, but what else did I expect? I then met up with Allie for a few (too many) drinks at the Fireside and ended up meeting some awesome single ladies who I spent a few hours bashing on men with. What can I say, sometimes you have to just let it all out. Sunday I slept late, watched part of a Law and Order marathon (nerd) and then Mike came over for some pre Simpsons hang out.
Oh. Mike.
I don't even know what to say about him- other than he makes me smile. That's about all I can handle right now.
I should be writing a Women's World paper......so off I go.
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